Extreme Optimism

OK, so I admit it, I'm an extreme optimist. I have been optimistic since I was a little tyke rolling down the driveway in Phoenix on my new bike that I didn't know how to ride yet and skinning my knees on the asphalt driveway. Oh, no, here comes a bifurcation – two blogs in one. Why was it OK for our parents to A) provide no visible means of protection for the little kamikaze bike riders, B) provide no medical assistance and little pharmaceutical assistance to our wounds, and C) HAVE AN ASPHALT DRIVEWAY WITH LOOSE GRAVEL TO CRASH ON AND IMBED INTO OUR WOUNDS IN THE FIRST PLACE? We had no knee pads, helmets, wrist guards, or other protective gear to help us bounce off the earth. And yet we survived. Strange, isn't it? It is perhaps this upbringing that contributed to my optimism. There, I knew it would be come back together.

I am afflicted by extreme optimism in so many ways. There are times when my optimism keeps me in the dark. There are times when my optimism gets me through tough times. But most of the time, optimism seems to be the way to most properly live my life. My wife says I am not realistic because I am optimistic. This seems misleading. The continuum is pessimism to optimism – not realism to optimism. I think optimism is a closer cousin to reality than pessimism because of three very important factors: optimists rule, pessimists suck and reality is conjured. No, really, the three things that I count on are 1) the goodness of people and their constant desire to continue to do the right thing regardless of their shortcomings, 2) events occur predictably for the most part, and 3) pessimists suck.

1) Carried to extremes, a pessimistic person would never drive on the freeway. Other drivers on the freeway may stop, or swerve, or try to cause trouble for the pessimistic driver who would constantly be on guard, stressed out, and pull over into the middle lane and creep along at 54 mph. I think this happens to old folks as they try with ever-increasing desperation to preserve their lives – either that or they don't trust their degenerated reflexes enough to avoid the driver who stops, swerves, or tries to cause trouble. Optimistic people travel the same freeway believing that all the other drivers will for the most part try not to crash into them, try to maintain the correct speed, and generally avoid trouble (or eye contact for that matter). Extreme optimists not only believe this but also look into every car thinking they for sure they will know someone and that person will want to have sex with them.

2) (The following example excludes many construction trades or the production of any software product) If I try to estimate the duration of a trip, the length of time to complete a project, or the time necessary to accomplish the tasks on my to-do list, I have to employ some sense of reason and logic and mix in some real time experience to prognosticate. Pessimistic folks plan extra time for a flat tire, a bomb scare in the store supplying materials to complete a project, or the inevitable multiplication of tasks on that to-do list. Pessimists will often remark that if they approach life in this negative frame of mind then they are never disappointed. That's too bad, because the majority of the time they aren't happy either. They constantly wait for the 'other shoe to drop' rather than enjoying the first shoe. And the saddest part is they wish everyone around them would join in their misery. Extreme optimists wish they had more on the to-do list to show just how much they can do – whether they can do it or not. The ability to achieve is irrelevant.

3) I am optimistic that I can change a pessimists mind. I can’t, but that doesn’t stop me from believing that I can. This is why pessimists suck. If they won’t bend to my constant, relentless optimism, then ‘rain on them.’

The other day, my brother-in-law Chris and I were in the basement cleaning and moving items up stairs when I began complaining about the fact that the giant hand-me-down TV would eventually have to make the trip down the stairs and try to turn the corner into the room. No room, no flexibility, and very heavy. So, in our discussion, Chris said, "…why don't you wrap the stairs around and open them up. You know the last 3 stairs don't have to have a banister…" He drew me a picture on the wall and I hastily agreed. He ran upstairs, grabbed his Skill saw and cut the end off the existing banister. Strangely enough, this began at 6:oopm and by midnight he and I (ok, mostly he) had the old stairs opened up and the new addition to wrap the stairs completed. At one point, during all the sweating and cutting, my sister pointed out, "…the problem is they are both optimists." She was right. We had no problem with this project. The timeline fit (Debi was coming home in 4 days) and the painter, carpet guy, and others had to be scheduled also. No problem. The thing is we did it. I did find out during the course of this that Chris is an extreme optimist like me. I explained my debilitating extreme optimism by telling them that each morning while in the shower, I wait for and wonder why my wife hasn't joined me. For 20 years I have had this thought EACH DAY with no reason to entertain such a thought! Chris confided that he has the same thoughts. His affliction is particularly acute since he gets up at 4:30am each day and still looks for these events to occur.

One more: Betsy and Trent visited one fine spring day and we decided to take the trailer out for a weekend campout. The place I selected was one that is great – except for two unanticipated drawbacks. One, mosquitoes. Two, getting down the ravine into the riverbed consisted of driving on roads not suitable for, um, trailers. So, I dragged the trailer to the edge and my extreme optimism kicked in. I was sure that I could make it down. Well, we did make it down, but we dragged the bottom of the trailer so badly that it tore off the plumbing (so no pooping) and bent up the bumper so badly that we couldn't get the back door open (so no quadding). I admit, in this instance, my extreme optimism cost me money. I could not, however, shut it off. I am currently looking for a 12 step program that helps me cope with over-happiness.