Dig Bean Town

So there I was. Teaching a software class. You know I used to teach 30-80 member classes for two days on how to run their software. And they loved it. Well, the first day we always wore suits. I wore a suit to teach the class at Boston. Boston was a great experience. I remember having baked beans and seeing the Green Monster at Fenway. I remember meeting a dealer and having him show me around – to where Cheers (exterior) was filmed. The interior, I discovered, was NOTHING like the interior of Sam's famous bar from the television show. However, I could say that I had been to Cheers, really called Bull & Finch Pub, had eaten there in the really cramped, underwhelming atmosphere, and lived to tell about it.

The day of the class, I dawned my suit and made my way to the training room, which was customary for classes we all taught. In the very front row was the dealer who had been so kind as to show me a good time the night before. She (just kidding) He waited until a few minutes into the class to call me over to where he was sitting and inform me that my fly was down. On my suit. I said, "You're kidding!" I mean I whispered. Then I stood and casually walked to the back of the room and out the door ostensibly checking for late-arriving pupils and gently but firmly and carefully zipped it back up. I really don't understand the stigma surrounding the down-zipper other than it is like I didn't fully get dressed. It's not like my winkie was in free-dangle danger. But it is still funny even for old guys.

One thing I learned in Boston was about the Big Dig. This was supposed to be an $800 million project to dig under the city and run a freeway to alleviate the growing congestion in Boston. When I was there they had completed some of the dig and were talking about cost overruns topping $1.2 billion dollars. I thought this extreme. I couldn't imagine a road being worth such a whopping figure. I was reminded of the Big Dig today for some reason so I looked it up to see if it had been completed and to see if the tally had escalated. Wow.

So the total for the Big Dig will reach $22 billion dollars. 38% of the transportation funds expended by the state of Massachusetts pay debt only. There's not money to fix roads and bridges left.
I have a solution. Or, um, a retrolution. How about instead of paying this much money until 2038, you just pay EVERY HOUSEHOLD in Boston $90,000 not to drive so much. Just telecommute one day, ride the bus one day, or walk, or carpool or do something and cash this check from the government. You could take a couple of years off. You could invest it. You can do with it what you want. No tax on it. We don't want it back. Just stay off the streets. We will be checking. If you don’t stay off the streets, give the money back and we will distribute it to those who will.