The Spice of Names

var·i·a·ble   
[vair-ee-uh-buhl] Show IPA
–adjective
1. apt or liable to vary or change; changeable: variable weather; variable moods.
2. capable of being varied or changed; alterable: a variable time limit for completion of a book.
3. inconstant; fickle: a variable lover.
4. having much variation or diversity.

Variable means having much variation or diversity. (And by the way, "fickle" is just a good word all around - it should be more widely used.)

I think there should be a variable designation for middle names. Jeff [*variable*] Crandall. I hear things like: "...hard work is my middle name or Danger is my middle name." I do like it that the same person also said that "perseverance" was their middle name.

Variable middle names could be a useful tool. Suppose I were in a job interview. If the employer were looking for someone to head up a division of the company, it would go a long way if my name were Jeff Mastermind Crandall. So, I just fill that in on my resume and viola. I've been positively labeled before I even open my mouth.

What if I used it when introducing myself to a potential date? "Hello, my name is Jeff Fidelity Crandall and I'd like to take you out." or "Hello, I'm Jeff Non-Committal Crandall and I request the honor of your company." or "Hello, I'm Jeff Almost-Trustworthy Crandall, wanna go spelunking?"

Criminals could have the right of their variable middle name removed and society could then require that they have their crime as their middle name. "Hello, I'm Jeff Arsonist Crandall and I would not care for a cigarette right now, thank you."

Interchangeable middle names are cool. Birth certificates can be so rigid.